Merry Christmas

The holiday turned into a special day. I spent the day lounging around with my boyfriend... slept in since we had no children needing attention... ate breakfast, watched a movie ("Love Actually") and all around had a wonderful day. Lots of much needed rest, relaxation and quality time:)

I did miss my baby girl like crazy as it is the first Christmas that I have not had her with me. The pics are all from last Sunday at my mom's house. I also missed my sister and my mom (most holidays have been spent with one or another of them). But it is okay.

Countdown to Christmas

Well, I am nearly ready for Christmas. That is to say that I am shopped out and there are many presents under the tree from mommy this year. They are there early as we are celebrating the holiday tomorrow. Katelyn is way excited. But, she knows that Santa will be coming to daddy's house this year. It will be my first Christmas without her with me. I am a little sad about it, but trying to keep perspective. And, I will be spending the holiday with Justin and not alone. We will actually spend a few hours with his sons before they go back to their mom's house.



I have a few things left to get, but the lines were getting a bit ridiculous today. I actually had to get in a line at Victoria's secret so that the people who work there could then put me in another line. And, when I went to pick up earrings at the jeweler (which they called my mom to let her know they were ready and to come get them), I had to stand in line and then they took my name and I had to wait again until they called me to get back in line to get the earrings. What??? It was absurd. Finally, the best was when it took me nearly an hour (seriously took 45 minutes) to turn out of the mall, make another right turn and get one block past the mall. I realize that it is Christmas... but come on, people... learn how to drive!



I did get to briefly talk to my friend Angi -- three of her four children have caught the chicken pox. Thankfully two of them are on the mend. Hopefully the baby will feel better soon.



When I got home we made some cut out cookies. I will leave you with a picture of Katelyn helping:

L-O-V-E

As, I have (again) neglected my poor blog for some time (winter is crazy for a pediatrician), I need to catch up. So, my "mystery guy" is out in the open. His (soon to be ex) wife and my ex-husband are aware of our relationship. And, a few weeks ago I met his sons and they met my daughter. His oldest, Luke, is very sweet and seems to love Katelyn. His little one, Will, is a little more standoffish. I think he is mostly a little jealous of Katelyn... he is the baby and not used to anyone smaller getting attention. I can't get a read on how he feels about me. I am aware that I need to take it very slow with him and let him warm up to the idea. I am sure that it is in part the age and the fact that he was likely not as aware as Luke of the problems between his parents and at that age there is always a fantasy of one's parents reuniting. I, obviously, would be a roadblock to that happening. In theory I knew this... but in reality, it is a little difficult. But I hope that one day he sees the love that I share with his daddy and he lets me in a little.

And, yes... I said it. I am head over heels in love with this guy. True, we met a short time ago... but, I have not felt this way in a very long time. In fact, I thought that I had missed my opportunity to be with my soul mate. I hoped and believed that you could have more than one in a lifetime, but wondered if I would ever find it again. Well, I truly believe that I have. And, just as so many people have said, I found it when I wasn't really looking for it. I was online thinking that I would meet some people in this new town, go out to dinners and get to know the city... but on my first date after boards I just knew that it was so much more. It is scary and exciting all at the same time. I know that there will be many ups and downs... but I believe that my "happily ever after" starts today. And I can't stop smiling about it!

Senseless Acts

So, after my rant yesterday, I looked on my Facebook and noted that one of my Friends "status updates" noted the fact that my cousin's husband had died the day before. Well, since I had not heard anything about it I tried to get more information. Little did I know that it was so much worse than I could have ever imagined. I was directed to a news article which read "Murder-Suicide" -- I thought, "Dear God, please don't let anything have happened to J." Well, thankfully my cousin J is alive. However, her boyfriend is not nor is her husband... Now, I know what many people are probably thinking. What they don't realize is the fact that the family did not trust her husband and did not really approve of the marriage. This was her High School boyfriend and she married him relatively young. He moved her to a different city and seemed to slowly seclude her from friends and family (at least that is the impression that everyone got). Then in September she apparently filed for divorce. Apparently he went nuts. He went to her parents house looking for her and found her with her boyfriend (who is also the cousin of her sister's husband)... he forced his way into the house, began shooting and eventually shot and killed this poor young man. He attempted to do the same to J, and did manage to beat her up pretty badly, but the police arrived and were able to distract him so that she could escape through a window. Then he went in the bathroom and shot himself.

This is a tragedy. This is particularly horrible given that two years ago her youngest sister died in a car accident on Christmas Eve. The largest blessing was the fact that neither J's parents nor children were in the house... she has a 3 1/2 year old daughter and a son who is around 1 1/2. But, can you imagine trying to shield them from this terrible truth about their father and how he died? I pray for her and the rest of the family to find peace and find a way to forgive him and allow the children to have some sort of positive memories of who their father was... before. I am seriously in shock. It is on the news all the time, and everyone thinks, "not my family"... but it can happen to anyone.

So, say a little prayer tonight for J and Thank God for your blessings.

Catching up...

WARNING>>> WHINING AHEAD... do not proceed if you are not in the mood and/or have already heard my tirade. I really am trying to be more positive, but I have a few things to get off of my chest. I did not shop on "Black Friday" ... I didn't sleep in, either... I worked. And, it felt like a black Friday. I am starting to really wonder if I didn't (again) take a job that was presented as one thing and turning into quite another. Seriously... why can't people just be honest. I got into it with the office manager yesterday b/c she told me that I "looked exhausted" (which, while I did a little earlier in the week, I did not feel since I slept a ton on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights) and questioned my ability to do my job. Then she said that the other doctor's had been concerned AND that I was being unprofessional by staying up too late. Come on... seriously now... just over a year ago I was working 80 hour weeks with calls that were 30 hours straight and often with very little to no sleep. That was "part of the job" as a resident. Now, if I get only 6-7 hours of sleep (occasionally) instead of 8-9 I am unprofessional? Then she said that the real boss said that I came to work "looking like I just got out of bed" -- talk about insulting. I get up an hour before I get to work. I shower at night, so in the morning I get dressed, brush teeth and hair and spend some time with my daughter. I make coffee and take breakfast to go (can't eat first thing in the morning). Sometimes I wear makeup... sometimes I don't. I am a relatively fair skinned person and since childhood I have circles under my eyes... especially in the winter. So, I suspect her comment was related to the fact that I was not wearing make-up yesterday. I didn't realize that it was "unprofessional." And quite frankly... I am pissed off. A few days before that I was snapped at for parking in her parking spot. I didn't realize that there was assigned parking... as there is NO SIGN in front of the spots. And, I always leave the first spot for the owner of the practice... the "boss." Unfortunately, as the office manager is the bosses wife, she thinks that she is the boss. I have never heard of such a thing... and it is a problem. There is a definite conflict of interest. I really have no interest in being part of a group that cares more about the money and appearances than about the patients and giving them the time they deserve. They squeeze in a ton of patients into small slots of time and then wonder why patients complain about waiting so long to see the doctor... DUH, I can tell you... b/c I can't possibly see 8 patients in ONE hour! I just want to do my job... take care of patients, educate them and treat them appropriately. But, I need a little time to do so effectively and appropriately. I know for a fact from my previous employer that seeing approximately 5-6 patients per day pays my salary... the overhead is generally paid by an additional 5-10 patients per day and the majority of rest is profit. It is so frustrating that all anyone cares about anymore is money.

Whatever... I will do what I have to do to take care of Katelyn. I will keep looking for the perfect fit and eventually I will find it. In the meantime, I will try to suck it up... deep breaths. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore! That is the plan.


However, I am still thankful for many things:
- a very understanding boyfriend who listened to me complain for over an hour yesterday
- Panda Express
-McDonald's Coke (it is so addicting)
- good movies
- old friends
- the fact that I have an education and can always find a new job

Good night and thanks for listening!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What a wonderful day it has been. I hope that everyone had a relaxing a day as we did. Katelyn and I got up (relatively) early and started the day with breakfast and then a bath. We painted our nails and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Justin came up with me to my mom's house and we enjoyed a lazy day just playing with Katelyn. My brother and his family came over around 4 and we had dinner and chatted awhile. We had to leave before bedtime so as to get back home for work tomorrow... so Katelyn is staying with Nana and I will go back on Saturday.

So, today I am thankful for:

Family

Friendship

Love

Good food

Shelter

Painted finger nails

And so much more!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Exhaustion...

All these nights of staying up way to late talking (on the phone, in person...) are catching up with me. Tonight, I can barely keep my eyes open. I plan to go to bed as soon as I am done posting for the day. But, I wanted to share my "thankful list" for today:

- A nice dinner with a friend
- A half day at work tomorrow
- Bringing someone home for the holiday
- Christmas music (I have been listening to it for two days and can't stop smiling)
- My comfy bed ... sorry, I said I was exhausted.

Sweet dreams!

Crazy Mondays

I am sure that everyone believes that Mondays are crazy and it is not a lot of fun going back to work... but for a pediatrician, they are just INSANE! I was crazy busy all day -- I had most of my appointment times double booked. And, believe me, while I am sure that patients complain about only getting to see the doctor for a few minutes, I equally hate having about 7 minutes to see each patient :( I inevitably end up taking more time -- I simply cannot do anything half a**... so, at the end of the day I have a HUGE pile of charts which are only partly filled in. Did I mention that Mondays are crazy :)

The only thing that makes Mondays better is that it is "date night." And tonight it is even better because he was out of town yesterday and I didn't get to talk to him last night... okay, so that sounded a little pathetic... but sadly, it is true. My night is not complete w/o talking to him. And, that is so NOT me... but I guess it is now.

So, tonight I am thankful for:

Date night
French Vanilla Cafe
A happy girl meeting me when I get home from work
A four day work week this week
Yummy Chinese food for lunch
My patients... yes, I really do love all those little cuties (even if some of the parents are a little nuts:)
Fortune cookies -- they always make me smile

Giving Thanks

I want to join my good friend Angi in giving thanks this week in honor of Thanksgiving! So, this year I am thankful for so many things: (1) The house in Florida sold :)
(2) I found a new job with less call
(3) I got to see the leaves change ( I LOVE Fall)
(4) I am living closer to family and friends!
(5) I have met someone very special and am falling
(6) Katelyn has been very healthy since the surgery
(7) I have a financial plan to get out of debt!

And so many more... which I will list all week.

I had a wonderful weekend. I am so happy and while the past me would be FREAKING OUT about what is happening to me (falling for someone... really falling), I am not. For those who really know me, they would likely be a little shocked. I am trying not to get too far ahead of myself, but I am content for the first time in a long time, and that is a great feeling. I feel like I am "awake" if that makes sense. I had lost such a large part of myself in residency and my failed marriage... but I am rediscovering the positive parts of me, and instead of feeling insecure and unhappy, I am happy with myself. And for that I will be eternally grateful!

Welcome to Winter!

So, this moving from Florida to Ohio just before winter hit was probably not well thought out :) Seriously, though, 26 degrees is a bit ridiculous. Thank goodness for butt warmers in the car and a very quick to warm up heater!

Today was a bit of a stressful day given that the PRN has followed me to Ohio -- what a nightmare. They are on me about finding a doctor and sent me a packet that had to be returned within 10 days, only I received it essentially the day before it was due :( I tried like mad to find a doctor today, but apparently the "intake people" only work until 4 o'clock, so everywhere I tried they were gone and will be calling me back... only I will be working. Ugh! Even doctors can't get a doctor's appointment. It is craziness. Hopefully I don't get reported back to the Florida board. Ironically, I do not want to maintain my Florida license, but I did not want to relinquish it in case I want to apply for another state license in the future and then would have to explain why I relinquished it. I feel like a criminal on parole :(

The rest of my life is coming together. I am starting to get the hang of things at work, although I am still a bit slow... what can I say, I like to be sure that the patient (and parents) are well informed and feel like they had a good visit at the doctor rather thank leave with a ton of unanswered questions or misinformation. We are settling into our apartment... although, K said today that she wanted to find a new house because she doesn't like this one (yeah, adjusting to a small apartment is not fun for a 2 year old either). And, things are going well with my "mystery man" :) I tried to take things as slow as possible, but our relationship is just so comfortable. I used to believe that everyone had just one soul mate... but I really believe now that each person has a few, and I think I may have found mine. I know it hasn't been long, but I have only felt this way about one other person (and truth be told it was not my ex-husband). I am living in the moment and trying not to hold back too much or get caught up in worrying about the future. It is nice.

The holidays are rushing at us as well, it seems... can you believe that Thanksgiving is next week already? And I love this time of year -- I am a Christmas freak and it is the only time I go all out decorating. I just have to clear out a little more space in the apartment and I can put up the tree with Katelyn and all of my houses. When I was at my mom's house a few weeks ago, I got an early Christmas present surprise... from myself. Last year I ordered a Christmas house online (one of the "real" ones from Department 56) and I had forgotten all about it. It was a fun surprise! Remember last year (see old post) when Katelyn couldn't resist the village? I can't believe how much she has grown. The other day she got up, took of her PJ's, put them away in the pajama drawer, put on a pull up (couldn't reach the pantie drawer) and clothes (all on correctly and matching) including socks... my little girl is growing up :(

Can't wait to start seeing everyone's holiday pics!

Sweet November

I am afraid to admit that I may really be falling for this guy... We have know each other for weeks, yet I feel that I have known him for longer. It is nice to take things slow. We have talked for hours on the phone like two teenagers. We have been out several times, but we have not yet kissed. I want it to be right. And, I want to be sure that things do not get accelerated due to a physical attraction. We are building a foundation in friendship. It is fun and exciting, but also a little scary. It is a sweet November so far...

Tonight I watched Katelyn's birth and hospital video with Katelyn. It makes me fall in love with her all over again. And she likes seeing herself as a little baby. It is cute, though, because when I say she is a big girl, she says, "no, I am a baby. I am LITTLE!" Sweet girl. And, she is so cute b/c tonight when I asked if she would like to go to the museum and meet some boys (children of a friend of mine), she said, "no, mommy... I don't like boys. I just like girls." Then she paused for a moment and said, "I like one boy." I asked her, "who is the boy you like?" to which she replied, "Daddy!" I am glad that he is the only boy she likes... for now.

I wish everyone a sweet November full of thanks!

Dating Again

Now that I am settling in (not totally settled... still need a garage to put the rest of my things in storage that I have no room for) to life in the Midwest and taken my boards, AND since my mom is nearby to help babysit, I have been free to date. I took the better part of the past two years healing from the aftermath of divorce. So I am ready.

I met someone last week and we have gone out to dinner twice. He is (so far) a good guy. For many reasons, I have chosen to take things very slow. The most successful relationships are built on a friendship, right? He is a bit older than myself, but has children who are relatively young and is open to adding to his family. He does not drink, but respects that on that rare occasion I do. I am excited to see where things go. Wish me luck!

Happy Halloween

Today was a fun day with Katelyn. She wore her costume for much of the morning while we played with Mr. Potato Head and baby dolls. We went for a walk to the clubhouse to pay rent and then packed up the care to head to daddy's house. Once in Cincy, we had Indian for dinner (one of my FAVORITE foods) and then headed out trick-or-treating. I only stayed for about 4 houses or so and took some pictures before heading out to drive back to Michigan (today it took me 3.5 hours... guess I am getting slower in my old age:) I will add pics tomorrow as I am currently exhausted.

And, I promise I will get to the date... patience, my friend(s). Hope you had a Happy Halloween and that the little ones went to bed easy after eating all that candy.

A day at the Museum

This morning Katelyn, Nana and I headed to COSI... it is a science museum in our new hometown. There was a visiting exhibit called "Sesame Street Presents The Body." The little one LOVED it! The funniest exhibit was where they explained how food is consumed, digested and then comes out as ... poo (and yes, they called it poo). Katelyn didn't say anything about it at the time, but while going to the bathroom before dinner she said "Nana, did you see the BIG Poop at the museum?" I about died laughing. There was also a "Hooper's store" where you could go shopping, help Herry monster get groceries by pointing a scanner at the correct food (think wedding registry) and you could build a burger/sandwich . There was an obstacle course... and much, much more. It was so cool! I think I went there once when I was a kid with school, but it was a long time ago. We then headed for the kid area, which was HUGE and before we could get to everything it was lunchtime (and time for a nap). We got a year long pass with the Sesame street exhibit (which cost extra) for $100 -- for ONE day, it would have cost $47.50 for the three of us. And, we got the "grandparent pass" which was two named adults (Nana and I) and all the grandchildren (which includes my Katelyn and my brother's two girls). If the five of us went alone, it would cost $82.50. So, all in all and EXCELLENT deal, even if the other girls only come once.

Then, for lunch, we ate at Panda Express (Katelyn's FAVORITE fast food -- Chinese). It was sooo good. And then home for a nap.

Then our day turned for the worse as the nap lasted only an hour (what?) and someone woke up on the wrong side of the crib. Speaking of cribs... she finally figured out how to crawl out. And as feared (the reason I had not moved her to her new "big girl bed") she has started doing this in the middle of the night and then won't always go back to sleep very easily (if at all). So, my child who slept until 8am is not getting up at 4 and then for good around 6:45 - 7:30 (AHHH!) I hope that this phase is short lived. I miss sleeping in the one day I can (Saturdays that I am not on call).

I did organize her toys and got them all put away in her closet (she has a walk in closet which is HUGE at our new apartment). It was a relief. Every box that gets emptied is a relief to me. I have to really get my room and bathroom organized and then tackle the rest of the boxes in the dining room. When a garage is available (I asked for one but they didn't have one open when I moved in), I can move my bike and the bike trailer as well as the boxes from her PB Kitchen (which I want to save as I do not intend to live in this apartment forever)... currently they are taking up the entire dining room along with a few boxes of kitchen stuff that will in no way fit in my tiny kitchen that resembles the one we had in my childhood home (you can reach both sides when you spread out your arms). But, I never have to mow (OK... pay someone to mow:) or weed (I did that myself and I HATE weeding) as long as I am here!

Well, I best be getting to bed (it is way late). But, hooray for me, two posts in one week! I didn't post yesterday b/c I was on a... date :) More on that later!

Sigh of Relief

So, I am trying to re-start my blogging and hope to be better at keeping up with it. I took my Peds boards yesterday. The test was SOOO hard. I realized that all the parents magazines recommend that parents be sure that their pediatrician is board certified. However, they don't realize that the exam that must be passed is ridiculous -- each question is an entire paragraph of information, but not the entire history you would actually elicit if it were a real patient... then just when you say "I know what this kid has and you treat it with _____" they ask, "If they are allergic to (insert almost every antibiotic known to man," what would you give them? Truth is you would look it up in a little book called the Sanford Guide. There were 300+ questions, many of which were like that. Hopefully I passed. But it is frustrating.

In the past month I have moved from Florida to Ohio. I started a new job, which is so far going fairly well, although I am working a little more than I was told I would. Hopefully someone else will be starting the practice soon, which is what was supposed to happen, but the other person fell through. I am keeping the faith.

I lived with a colleague for a few weeks, but I have moved into my new apartment and things are starting to come together slowly but surely. I am a neat freak who generally can't stand the fact that I have boxes sitting around, but I am trying to just go with the flow. Katelyn lived with Nana for a few weeks and saw her daddy on the weekends, but we are together again.

We are starting over. A new life... a colder life in the winter, but we'll survive. I did go shopping today to buy some new clothes to stay warm. And they are cute:) I have also gotten Katelyn a bunch of cute new clothes for the cooler weather. And funny enough, she seems to love the cooler weather. She used to cry at the park to go home b/c " it is too hot, mommy!" But now I have to beg her to go home b/c I am freezing...

I swear I will try to do better

I have been a horrible blogger! I read many... I just can't seem to keep up with my own. I am going to try to better once we get settled into our new home (and I take the boards). I would like to be able to keep the family up with the happenings of our life... and I plan on there being way more happenings in Columbus:)

I am moving to Ohio in less than two weeks. I am totally stressed! I have been packing and tonight my back hurts. I should go to bed soon b/c I have to go to the "Hopsital" tomorrow morning to see a new baby (by 9 so I am there within 24h of birth). So, I will be up early.

Please forgive me... I will be away for a month or two... but I promise that starting in November, I will be much less stressed and have more free time to write.

PROCRASTINATION

I had a very productive weekend - I studied, packed a few boxes AND I even finished weeding the majority of the front flower beds, planted a few flowers and spread 13 bags of mulch. Today I am feeling it -- big time. I feel like a little old lady.

Tonight, I am tired. I should be studying, but instead I am surfing the Internet, writing emails and now writing a blog entry. I really have to study. I am super nervous about the boards.

I miss Katelyn, too. I miss her like crazy! It is so weird to be in this giant house all by myself. I only pray that it sells (OK, I have said that for almost 2 years, but I really hope that it sells this month).

Studying is really for the young

OK, I realize that I am still "young" in comparison. But, I am certainly not as young as I once was. I used to be able to study until 2 or 3 am and still get up for an 8 am class. Now the thought of staying up until 2am makes me yawn. I did fairly well tonight. I read through 30+ pages of material and committed it to memory (or made an attempt to do so).

I have to take advantage of the time Katelyn is with her dad. When she gets back I will be back to trying to squeeze in cleaning, studying, showering and doing laundry all between the hours of 9pm and 11. Ugh!

On a fun note, Katelyn's daddy finally got a taste of what I have gone through for the past few months -- bonifide all out temper tantrums. I don't mean the little fits where one just throws oneself on the floor to scream or stomps around. I mean screaming at full decibels for an hour or more. Yes, my little Irish Puerto-Rican is stubborn (go figure... I don't know where she could possibly have gotten it from). The most recent wrong that was committed against her - not giving her the binky! Funny thing is, I don't really think it is a big deal. Just give her the stinking binky. She is staying at a house where she does not usually live and yes she is with her daddy (whom she sees every other month) and her Abuelita (who she last saw at Christmas time)... stressed out, anyone? At least now he will believe me... I say she is the little girl with a curl right in the middle of her forehead, and when she is good, she is very good, but when she is bad... she is horrid!

Case in point: Yes, she is rocking out on Tio Juan's Guitar Hero guitar!

She is the cutest, though, if I do say so myself :) Even if she is stubborn like her daddy... OK, maybe her mama, too.

Things are looking up

I am so much better at reading other people's blogs than writing my own. A clever excuse would be "I have been too busy living my life to write about it." It would be partially true. But, mostly I have been lazy and so super busy working -- not really living so much as I would like.

So much has happened since my last post, I am not sure where to begin. I went back home to Ohio for a vacation and to do some interviewing. And, as a result, I was given multiple job offers. I weighed all the options and chose one. I am very happy with my decision and I just know that I have made the right choice. I will be moving back to Ohio in November. I will be about half way between my mom and Katelyn's dad.

My call schedule will be much better - only one day in four and one weekend per month. AND, once they hire another partner (which should be around the time I start), I will have one day off per week. One day to spend with my daughter doing fun "stay at home mom" type activities-- minus the cleaning. It will be the one day I skip the housework and other minutia if possible and try to just live. In addition, I will get a raise, which definitely does not hurt given the fact that over the past few years I have gotten into a small hole. Particularly since I was out of work for two weeks last fall.

I was approved to sit for the boards and coincidentally was approved to take them in the same city where I will be living. And today I got the best news yet - I got my Ohio license!!! I didn't have to jump through fifty hoops like I did last time, which is spectacular. Praise God!

We dropped the price of our house for the millionth time and over the past few weeks we have shown the house over 10 times. I am praying for an offer in the next month. I have faith that it will sell in August.

On a slightly different note, Katelyn and I have been eating at Panda Express once a week (Chinese) and twice now in the past three weeks I have gotten fortunes in my cookie implying that I will be coming into a fortune (one actually said so, the other that a "windfall" would be coming my way). Maybe I should buy a lotto ticket:)

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Katelyn is currently with her daddy and Abuelita. I should be studying, so I am off. But I will leave a cute pic of Katelyn playing dress up... I love being the mommy of a sweet little princess!

Two more days

I am going to see my baby again in two more days!!! I miss her so much. I can't wait until my vacation week -- I have worked constantly since October with a max of three days off in a row (and that was only once in December). We are going back to Ohio... I have two days of interviews (kinda sounds like work, right?), but I have three days off before and four days after to relax and spend time with my family. I hope the weather cooperates so we can do some fun things.

Today was a crazy day at work. I had all kinds of challenging patients today. And I feel like I am always running behind. It is sad b/c I don't want to run late, but I never want a patient to leave feeling like their concerns were not addressed. I am going to have to learn to do both (be faster AND still address concerns). I am working on it.

I know that Katelyn is having a great time with her daddy. She has been to the zoo, where she apparently fell in love with the rhino, gone swimming a lot, had a picnic at the park (her favorite) and tomorrow is going to see the fish at the aquarium. I wish that I was there experiencing those things with her. It is difficult not being a family of three. It isn't that I want to be with her father (Lord knows that would not be a good idea), but it is sad to see all of the other families together and having to split time with Katelyn. I did not have a baby expecting to have to be away from her for a single day... at least not because I have to be. I am really tired of being alone. I don't want to be with just anyone, but I want to really get out and date. And hopefully find my match. And be a family. I really hope to have more babies. Someday. But for now, I am learning to just be happy with my little girl. Two more days and we will be together again.

Time for a change

I have been majorly MIA when it comes to my poor blog. There is no good reason other than I have been busy... trying to live in the moment, but failing miserably. I have made a few major decisions, however. Katelyn and I are going to make a big move. For me, it is moving back home, for Katelyn it will be moving closer to daddy - to Ohio. It has been so difficult to be so far away from family and to not have very many close friends. My friends here for the most part are happily married and have children and I work so much that it is difficult to find time to hang out.

I have sent in my application for an Ohio license and am waiting to hear more. I am praying that it is not as challenging as getting my Florida license, which was so stressful. I have been on one interview for a great job, just not the best job for me. I have three more interviews set for the first week in July and am hoping that one of them is a good fit. And then I will have to find a place to live. I continue to pray that this house will sell. I am trying to keep faith. I don't want to think about what my life will be like financially if it does not sell. At $96/ sq ft you would think someone would buy it.

Currently I am missing my baby girl. She has been gone for nearly two weeks - last week she was with my mom and this week she is with her daddy. I miss her like crazy, but I know it is good for both of us. I just wish I had more quality time to spend with her. I am hoping that the job I take will allow me much more time with Katelyn. I would love one day off per week to go do stuff - go to the zoo, museum, park, on playdates and anywhere else we feel like going.

I knew it was time to move on when I found myself thinking that I resented my job because it took me away from my child. And I love being a pediatrician. I love my patients. I hate being on call every other week and some of the parents are a giant pain. Some of them take advantage of our call system to avoid coming in during the week so they can be seen on the weekend or expect you to call in antibiotics over the phone w/o having to come in for an appointment. I don't think a person would have to go to medical school for 4 years and residency for 3 years if being a parent automatically gave you the ability to diagnose every illness or you could know everything about pediatrics because you read it on the internet. On the other hand, I feel like I am not being the best mom because I always have other things to do and cannot spend as much quality time as I would like. I am forever exhausted.

The tough part is going to be breaking it to the boss. She is going to kill me. I feel really bad, but I know that it is the best thing for me and Katelyn to move back to Ohio. It will allow her more time with her father, who at this point has spent about 45 days with her since he moved back to Ohio last April. Moving closer will allow him to see her more w/o the large cost of flying. Yet, I struggle a little because I hate being away from her.

Now that I have written a book, I will end with a promise that I will try to be better at blogging.

Proud Mama

Katelyn really is my love. She looked so sweet in her Easter dress. I loved watching her hunt for her Easter treats. The Easter bunny brought her this sweet duck, which was hidden in an Easter egg with his feet sticking out. He also brought her Disney's Enchanted, a Book called "Little Quack's New Friend," her first set of markers (pip squeaks), and two beanie babies 2.0 (which are TY's version of Webkins). She got a little candy, but not too much. Unfortunately we went to a friends house and I left her there when I drove her dad back to the airport for him to drive home. When I got back, I found out she had been fed a ton of candy AND chips AND Cheetos and God knows what else. When I awoke in the morning, I opened the door and smelled ... vomit. Oh yes, she had thrown up all over her bed... and slept in it. Poor baby! I felt so bad.

I just love this sweet face!

I am so proud of her today because ...SHE WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY!!! A total of NINE times today. She has sat on it a ton, but never done anything except wipe her bottom. But today, she did it. The baby sitter had "naked booty camp" in her kitchen. Hilarious to pick up your child and see three naked hynies walking around. Anyways, I am so proud.

What makes you proud?

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I read my friend Angi's blog and feel bad that I am not so creative. But, I am Irish. My child did wear green today to the baby-sitter's house. But there was no green breakfast and due to the small size of our family these days, no corned beef and cabbage. I wish I lived closer to the beach to go to the Irish Pub. I am not a big drinker, but I do love a good Irish Pub.

I feel like I am not so good at Holidays this year. Probably b/c to me Holidays are all about family, and while my daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me, two people just doesn't feel like a family. The holidays, no matter how small, seem to magnify the fact that I am "single" these days. Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a pity party.

I will leave you with a few Irish Blessings:

(1)
May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night,
And the road downhill all the way to your door.

(2)
As he brought new faith to Ireland so may he bring to you, a touch of Irish happiness in everything you do - and like the good Saint Patrick may your home and life be blessed with all God's special favors that make you happiest.

Good night and God Bless!

Happy St. Patrick

Taxes = A Good Thing For Once

Yes, I did my taxes and I am getting a very nice refund. Too bad it will all go to pay off one of my credit cards, but every bit helps.

We have been busy working (not fun) and playing (way fun!!) Katelyn loves playing at the playground. It is just about her favorite thing. She especially loves to go to the park with her cousins in Orlando. We went to visit her Titi(s) and Cousins a few weekends ago. We were sorry that we couldn't see all of them -- her Titi Edmali had to work at Disney, so she didn't get to see her or her family. She did get to play a ton with her cousins Paola and Dylan and she had a blast. It is so funny to see a just barely 2 year old try to keep up with a 5 and 7 year old. This is a cute pic from that day. The cousins were playing tag, so Katelyn decided to just climb. Funny thing was, they were using her as base :)

And another one. I love the pigtails. I wish that I had figured out how to put these pics up so that you can click on them to enlarge them. Someone will have to fill me in sometime.

I have been on call every other weekend, and with flu season it seems every time we leave the house, my pager goes off. Oh well. This past weekend we went out and bought a trailer so that she can come with me on bike rides. We didn't get a chance to try it out because it was SOOOOO WINDY (Like Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day).

Today we went for a long walk and then played at the "ducky playground" in our neighborhood. We ran into one my friends and her son (Katelyn's friend Luca). Then Katelyn decided that it would be fun to move dirt from one area to another and then she attempted to taste said dirt. So, we decided it was time to go. We ate dinner and took a bubble bath in "mommy's big tub." We ended the night with a snuggle and now she is in dreamland.

Hope your evening was as fun as ours.

A little down

I have not been as good at posting as I would like to be. I have been super busy trying to balance work and single motherhood. I never thought I would be in this position. I wanted to get married, have babies, work part time. I realize that there were multiple issues with my marriage. Some mine, some his. I thought we would work it out. But he quit. And when someone tells me they quit, I know in my heart I will never trust them again. And since that time I have forgiven him. I have continued to say only positive things about him to our daughter. But he often disappoints me. He doesn't visit her as often as he should. When he does visit, he often goes out with his friends too (and gets drunk), which makes me crazy when I am paying for half of his ticket to visit. And it is not that I didn't want him to move on and be happy. But I am really concerned that in finding someone who is YOUNG and still doing the wild nights of partying, he will never grow up and be the father that I hoped he would be. At least not for Katelyn. It makes me sad. I want to believe that if I move back to Cincinnati so that she can see him more regularly, he will be responsible. But I am scared to death of what could happen if he doesn't. And I don't want him to disappoint her. That would break my heart. I want whomever becomes her step-mother to care about her, but not try to be her mother. I want to find someone to be my life-long partner, someone who will be another father figure, but not someone to be her father. I am surprised (and a little embarrassed) that I am so affected by his having a girlfriend. I guess in part it is how I found out. And when he does things like give Katelyn a birthday present from his GF and not tell her (or me) who it is from, and take a picture by the Christmas tree of the three of them like they are a family. I feel guilty, b/c I know so many others have a much bigger reason to be sad. I suppose you could even say I did this to myself, b/c I had my doubts from the beginning (there were signs). And for the first year I was doing fine. Why a year later is it really hitting me?

Sorry for the negative post. Guess that is why I haven't posted some days. I will try to be more uplifting in the future and to update more frequently.

Happy Valentine's Day

Katelyn and I have been busy this month with her 2nd birthday (on 2/2), Nana's Birthday (2/11)and now St. Valentine's Day.

First, for her birthday we had a party at the "Hands on Children's Museum." We invited two of her little friends, Luca and Raegan (and their parents), as well as her Titi Lee, Titi Edmali, Titi Iby, Tio Picu, (Tio Bill had to work), her cousins, Paola, Stephanie, Michael, Alex and Dylan, Nana and her "uncle" Juan. She had so much fun playing and eating pizza and cupcakes. Cupcakes were the theme. She loved her gift from mommy and daddy (a brand new PB kitchen set. She is so happy cooking up a storm. I can't believe that my baby is two years old.

We celebrated Nana's birthday last weekend by going out to dinner at Dave and Busters on Saturday night. Then we went to Dr. O'Reilly's (our good friend and Katelyn's pediatrician) on Sunday night to have dinner and cake. Katelyn was a little upset at first because it was not her birthday, but she was better when she realized that it didn't matter, she still got to eat the cake. Silly bug. Then, on her really birthday, Katelyn and Nana had pancakes and then we let nana have the day off (Katelyn went to the babysitter's house).

Today, I had to go to work. It is kind of a bah-humbug kind of day. I can't help it. I don't want to be with someone for the wrong reasons for sure, but I am tired of being alone on every holiday that passes. My only great valentine's day was my first one as a mother. Katelyn was 12 days old and I was already head over heels in love with her. I still am, and she is the love of my life, but I know it isn't healthy for her to be my one and only. And I have needs, too. I did have fun with Katelyn. We played and then took a bubble bath, then snuggled in bed reading "Pooh" and "Elmo" books. Now it is time for me to go to sleep... my pillows are calling.

Busy Getting Better

Since my last post we have gone through another sinus infection, a stomach virus and surgery. Katelyn got her myringotomy tubes and her adenoids out last week on Wednesday (Jan 16) and she is finally back to her old sweet self. She is loving having her Nana back with us (for 2 whole months, yay!!) and playing with all of her new toys. Her big birthday present arrived last week and she asks regularly to "opey it." She is going to LOVE it (a play kitchen).

I can't believe that in just over a week my baby will be two years old. I never really understood when people told me to enjoy every minute b/c time flies. Now I understand completely. And I must say that I often choose spending time with my daughter over other things. I don't clean as much as I probably should. But when the time comes to look back on my life I know that I would never say, " I wish I had cleaned more."

Just look at that sweet face in her Minnie Mouse nightgown. My mom got it for her, and she got one for me and one for herself as well. I wish we had gotten a picture, but Katelyn was in no mood to cooperate earlier. Maybe another day.

Well, I had better get going to bed. TGIF tomorrow... just wish I wasn't on call ... AGAIN. Remind me not to take a job in the future where I am on call every other week. What was I thinking?

Happy Holidays and a Healthy New Year

I have been terrible at keeping up my blog. My readers (okay, one reader besides family) probably thought I fell off the ends of the earth. So, I am writing to assure you that I am alive. I have my baby girl back home sleeping next to me in my BRAND NEW BED!!! I was tired of sleeping in a twin bed and so I finally had Rooms-to-Go deliver the bedroom set I ordered 3 months ago. Who knows, maybe it will help sell the house. It is gorgeous... will be even more gorgeous when they deliver the fourth post that they forgot so that I can put up the canopy.

The week before Christmas was hectic as Katelyn AGAIN spiked a fever despite antibiotics and was cranky and her ears looked horrible, so despite a grand total of 23 days of oral antibiotics she ended up with 3 days of Rocephin shots (a strong antibiotic) and a procedure in the ENT's office where he put her in a papoose, popped holes in her ear drums and sucked out the yucky stuff to send for culture. Unfortunately we were flying to Nana's house the next day, so she had to have antibiotic injections 2 out of the 3 days were were there and the last day we flew back. It was too short of a trip. And I am super homesick, despite hating the cold.

Christmas was nice. I opened a few gifts with Katelyn at home on Christmas Eve before heading over to Dr. O's house for dinner. Christmas Day we opened more presents, packed up and headed to Orlando to see daddy, Abuelita, Abuelito, and all the Titi's, Tio's and Primos. Unfortunately we ended up with very few pictures. I forgot mine at Dr. O's so only had a few pics I took on Christmas Eve, then we took a ton in Orlando but when Edmond put the disk in the computer to burn a CD, the computer formatted the disk, thus erasing everything. But we do have the memories. Katelyn learned how to open the presents all by herself and once she could see the gift she would say, "Opey it, pease!" This was followed by, "nother one?" And so it went... the funniest moment was when she opened up the gift her Titi Lee got her, which was the giant Minnie Mouse she had fallen in love with at Disney, and she said, "Minnie Mouse!!! Where'd Mickey go?" I also found it funny that she tossed aside any and all boxes that could contain clothes w/o even opening the lid or looking in the bag. Her favorites were the baby doll cradle from Mommy, the baby doctor table and kit from daddy, Minnie Mouse and baby Emma from Santa that goes pee pee on the potty.

New Years was fun. I spent it in Orlando with Katelyn, her daddy and his family. Okay, so it may seem weird, but we get along fine, so why not. I spent the night there and drove back today.

As for Katelyn, her ears may finally be healed -- Praise God. The culture ended up growing Strep Pneumo (which is a bacteria she was immunized against with the Prevnar vaccine) and it was resistant to every oral antibiotic approved for children. Only Vancomycin (one of the strongest IV antibiotics available) and Levaquin (fluoroquinalones... a family of antibiotics which orally are really only approved for teens and adults). Ciprodex, an antibiotic ear drop, was the only thing that killed the bug that she was prescribed. Not only does that scare the living crap out of me, but pisses me off a little. My child never had a single antibiotic until she was almost 20 months old when she had her first ear infection and this was her second infection and already she was resistant to everything. Makes me want to smack upside the head all the patients I have seen who want an antibiotic for their child's cold -- A COLD IS A VIRUS and ANTIBIOTICS WON'T HELP because they kill BACTERIA; and a VIRUS is NOT a BACTERIA!!!!!!! Sorry, but it gets really frustrating, particularly since I know some other idiot doctors just prescribe the antibiotic despite the fact that it will not help and may actually hurt the patient or someone who comes in contact with them and their resistant bacteria. Sorry for that rant, but I am more of a naturalist and believe that medications have their place, but you must let your body do some of the work and there are no quick fixes. Thankfully, the ENT is going to be able to put tubes in Katelyn's ears and take out her adenoids later this month in hopes that she will actually be able to breath out of her nose well for the first time in forever (she has been a mouth breather since shortly after birth due to what we now know to be large adenoids and snores and is always stuffy).

As for me, I am hoping for a better year -- it won't take much given my last year. And I could use all the prayers available to get through until my contract is up b/c I HATE my new job. There are multiple reasons for this, but I am miserable. I love what I do, but I am not doing the job I was "sold" before signing a contract. And it may get worse before it gets better. I am just not sure how much more I can take before completely losing my cool. All the friends I have spoken to about my situation have been shocked that I have not totally lost it on my boss. And if it weren't for having to pay $10,000 if I break my contract I would be so out of there unless some major changes are made. Sorry, another rant. I am trying to get it all out now so that the rest of the year I can focus on the positive. Some MAJOR changes are gonna be a coming my way and hopefully things will all fall into place.

HAPPY NEW YEAR and GOD BLESS!!!