Merry Christmas

The holiday turned into a special day. I spent the day lounging around with my boyfriend... slept in since we had no children needing attention... ate breakfast, watched a movie ("Love Actually") and all around had a wonderful day. Lots of much needed rest, relaxation and quality time:)

I did miss my baby girl like crazy as it is the first Christmas that I have not had her with me. The pics are all from last Sunday at my mom's house. I also missed my sister and my mom (most holidays have been spent with one or another of them). But it is okay.

Countdown to Christmas

Well, I am nearly ready for Christmas. That is to say that I am shopped out and there are many presents under the tree from mommy this year. They are there early as we are celebrating the holiday tomorrow. Katelyn is way excited. But, she knows that Santa will be coming to daddy's house this year. It will be my first Christmas without her with me. I am a little sad about it, but trying to keep perspective. And, I will be spending the holiday with Justin and not alone. We will actually spend a few hours with his sons before they go back to their mom's house.



I have a few things left to get, but the lines were getting a bit ridiculous today. I actually had to get in a line at Victoria's secret so that the people who work there could then put me in another line. And, when I went to pick up earrings at the jeweler (which they called my mom to let her know they were ready and to come get them), I had to stand in line and then they took my name and I had to wait again until they called me to get back in line to get the earrings. What??? It was absurd. Finally, the best was when it took me nearly an hour (seriously took 45 minutes) to turn out of the mall, make another right turn and get one block past the mall. I realize that it is Christmas... but come on, people... learn how to drive!



I did get to briefly talk to my friend Angi -- three of her four children have caught the chicken pox. Thankfully two of them are on the mend. Hopefully the baby will feel better soon.



When I got home we made some cut out cookies. I will leave you with a picture of Katelyn helping:

L-O-V-E

As, I have (again) neglected my poor blog for some time (winter is crazy for a pediatrician), I need to catch up. So, my "mystery guy" is out in the open. His (soon to be ex) wife and my ex-husband are aware of our relationship. And, a few weeks ago I met his sons and they met my daughter. His oldest, Luke, is very sweet and seems to love Katelyn. His little one, Will, is a little more standoffish. I think he is mostly a little jealous of Katelyn... he is the baby and not used to anyone smaller getting attention. I can't get a read on how he feels about me. I am aware that I need to take it very slow with him and let him warm up to the idea. I am sure that it is in part the age and the fact that he was likely not as aware as Luke of the problems between his parents and at that age there is always a fantasy of one's parents reuniting. I, obviously, would be a roadblock to that happening. In theory I knew this... but in reality, it is a little difficult. But I hope that one day he sees the love that I share with his daddy and he lets me in a little.

And, yes... I said it. I am head over heels in love with this guy. True, we met a short time ago... but, I have not felt this way in a very long time. In fact, I thought that I had missed my opportunity to be with my soul mate. I hoped and believed that you could have more than one in a lifetime, but wondered if I would ever find it again. Well, I truly believe that I have. And, just as so many people have said, I found it when I wasn't really looking for it. I was online thinking that I would meet some people in this new town, go out to dinners and get to know the city... but on my first date after boards I just knew that it was so much more. It is scary and exciting all at the same time. I know that there will be many ups and downs... but I believe that my "happily ever after" starts today. And I can't stop smiling about it!

Senseless Acts

So, after my rant yesterday, I looked on my Facebook and noted that one of my Friends "status updates" noted the fact that my cousin's husband had died the day before. Well, since I had not heard anything about it I tried to get more information. Little did I know that it was so much worse than I could have ever imagined. I was directed to a news article which read "Murder-Suicide" -- I thought, "Dear God, please don't let anything have happened to J." Well, thankfully my cousin J is alive. However, her boyfriend is not nor is her husband... Now, I know what many people are probably thinking. What they don't realize is the fact that the family did not trust her husband and did not really approve of the marriage. This was her High School boyfriend and she married him relatively young. He moved her to a different city and seemed to slowly seclude her from friends and family (at least that is the impression that everyone got). Then in September she apparently filed for divorce. Apparently he went nuts. He went to her parents house looking for her and found her with her boyfriend (who is also the cousin of her sister's husband)... he forced his way into the house, began shooting and eventually shot and killed this poor young man. He attempted to do the same to J, and did manage to beat her up pretty badly, but the police arrived and were able to distract him so that she could escape through a window. Then he went in the bathroom and shot himself.

This is a tragedy. This is particularly horrible given that two years ago her youngest sister died in a car accident on Christmas Eve. The largest blessing was the fact that neither J's parents nor children were in the house... she has a 3 1/2 year old daughter and a son who is around 1 1/2. But, can you imagine trying to shield them from this terrible truth about their father and how he died? I pray for her and the rest of the family to find peace and find a way to forgive him and allow the children to have some sort of positive memories of who their father was... before. I am seriously in shock. It is on the news all the time, and everyone thinks, "not my family"... but it can happen to anyone.

So, say a little prayer tonight for J and Thank God for your blessings.

Catching up...

WARNING>>> WHINING AHEAD... do not proceed if you are not in the mood and/or have already heard my tirade. I really am trying to be more positive, but I have a few things to get off of my chest. I did not shop on "Black Friday" ... I didn't sleep in, either... I worked. And, it felt like a black Friday. I am starting to really wonder if I didn't (again) take a job that was presented as one thing and turning into quite another. Seriously... why can't people just be honest. I got into it with the office manager yesterday b/c she told me that I "looked exhausted" (which, while I did a little earlier in the week, I did not feel since I slept a ton on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights) and questioned my ability to do my job. Then she said that the other doctor's had been concerned AND that I was being unprofessional by staying up too late. Come on... seriously now... just over a year ago I was working 80 hour weeks with calls that were 30 hours straight and often with very little to no sleep. That was "part of the job" as a resident. Now, if I get only 6-7 hours of sleep (occasionally) instead of 8-9 I am unprofessional? Then she said that the real boss said that I came to work "looking like I just got out of bed" -- talk about insulting. I get up an hour before I get to work. I shower at night, so in the morning I get dressed, brush teeth and hair and spend some time with my daughter. I make coffee and take breakfast to go (can't eat first thing in the morning). Sometimes I wear makeup... sometimes I don't. I am a relatively fair skinned person and since childhood I have circles under my eyes... especially in the winter. So, I suspect her comment was related to the fact that I was not wearing make-up yesterday. I didn't realize that it was "unprofessional." And quite frankly... I am pissed off. A few days before that I was snapped at for parking in her parking spot. I didn't realize that there was assigned parking... as there is NO SIGN in front of the spots. And, I always leave the first spot for the owner of the practice... the "boss." Unfortunately, as the office manager is the bosses wife, she thinks that she is the boss. I have never heard of such a thing... and it is a problem. There is a definite conflict of interest. I really have no interest in being part of a group that cares more about the money and appearances than about the patients and giving them the time they deserve. They squeeze in a ton of patients into small slots of time and then wonder why patients complain about waiting so long to see the doctor... DUH, I can tell you... b/c I can't possibly see 8 patients in ONE hour! I just want to do my job... take care of patients, educate them and treat them appropriately. But, I need a little time to do so effectively and appropriately. I know for a fact from my previous employer that seeing approximately 5-6 patients per day pays my salary... the overhead is generally paid by an additional 5-10 patients per day and the majority of rest is profit. It is so frustrating that all anyone cares about anymore is money.

Whatever... I will do what I have to do to take care of Katelyn. I will keep looking for the perfect fit and eventually I will find it. In the meantime, I will try to suck it up... deep breaths. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore! That is the plan.


However, I am still thankful for many things:
- a very understanding boyfriend who listened to me complain for over an hour yesterday
- Panda Express
-McDonald's Coke (it is so addicting)
- good movies
- old friends
- the fact that I have an education and can always find a new job

Good night and thanks for listening!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What a wonderful day it has been. I hope that everyone had a relaxing a day as we did. Katelyn and I got up (relatively) early and started the day with breakfast and then a bath. We painted our nails and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Justin came up with me to my mom's house and we enjoyed a lazy day just playing with Katelyn. My brother and his family came over around 4 and we had dinner and chatted awhile. We had to leave before bedtime so as to get back home for work tomorrow... so Katelyn is staying with Nana and I will go back on Saturday.

So, today I am thankful for:

Family

Friendship

Love

Good food

Shelter

Painted finger nails

And so much more!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Exhaustion...

All these nights of staying up way to late talking (on the phone, in person...) are catching up with me. Tonight, I can barely keep my eyes open. I plan to go to bed as soon as I am done posting for the day. But, I wanted to share my "thankful list" for today:

- A nice dinner with a friend
- A half day at work tomorrow
- Bringing someone home for the holiday
- Christmas music (I have been listening to it for two days and can't stop smiling)
- My comfy bed ... sorry, I said I was exhausted.

Sweet dreams!