Senseless Acts

So, after my rant yesterday, I looked on my Facebook and noted that one of my Friends "status updates" noted the fact that my cousin's husband had died the day before. Well, since I had not heard anything about it I tried to get more information. Little did I know that it was so much worse than I could have ever imagined. I was directed to a news article which read "Murder-Suicide" -- I thought, "Dear God, please don't let anything have happened to J." Well, thankfully my cousin J is alive. However, her boyfriend is not nor is her husband... Now, I know what many people are probably thinking. What they don't realize is the fact that the family did not trust her husband and did not really approve of the marriage. This was her High School boyfriend and she married him relatively young. He moved her to a different city and seemed to slowly seclude her from friends and family (at least that is the impression that everyone got). Then in September she apparently filed for divorce. Apparently he went nuts. He went to her parents house looking for her and found her with her boyfriend (who is also the cousin of her sister's husband)... he forced his way into the house, began shooting and eventually shot and killed this poor young man. He attempted to do the same to J, and did manage to beat her up pretty badly, but the police arrived and were able to distract him so that she could escape through a window. Then he went in the bathroom and shot himself.

This is a tragedy. This is particularly horrible given that two years ago her youngest sister died in a car accident on Christmas Eve. The largest blessing was the fact that neither J's parents nor children were in the house... she has a 3 1/2 year old daughter and a son who is around 1 1/2. But, can you imagine trying to shield them from this terrible truth about their father and how he died? I pray for her and the rest of the family to find peace and find a way to forgive him and allow the children to have some sort of positive memories of who their father was... before. I am seriously in shock. It is on the news all the time, and everyone thinks, "not my family"... but it can happen to anyone.

So, say a little prayer tonight for J and Thank God for your blessings.

Catching up...

WARNING>>> WHINING AHEAD... do not proceed if you are not in the mood and/or have already heard my tirade. I really am trying to be more positive, but I have a few things to get off of my chest. I did not shop on "Black Friday" ... I didn't sleep in, either... I worked. And, it felt like a black Friday. I am starting to really wonder if I didn't (again) take a job that was presented as one thing and turning into quite another. Seriously... why can't people just be honest. I got into it with the office manager yesterday b/c she told me that I "looked exhausted" (which, while I did a little earlier in the week, I did not feel since I slept a ton on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights) and questioned my ability to do my job. Then she said that the other doctor's had been concerned AND that I was being unprofessional by staying up too late. Come on... seriously now... just over a year ago I was working 80 hour weeks with calls that were 30 hours straight and often with very little to no sleep. That was "part of the job" as a resident. Now, if I get only 6-7 hours of sleep (occasionally) instead of 8-9 I am unprofessional? Then she said that the real boss said that I came to work "looking like I just got out of bed" -- talk about insulting. I get up an hour before I get to work. I shower at night, so in the morning I get dressed, brush teeth and hair and spend some time with my daughter. I make coffee and take breakfast to go (can't eat first thing in the morning). Sometimes I wear makeup... sometimes I don't. I am a relatively fair skinned person and since childhood I have circles under my eyes... especially in the winter. So, I suspect her comment was related to the fact that I was not wearing make-up yesterday. I didn't realize that it was "unprofessional." And quite frankly... I am pissed off. A few days before that I was snapped at for parking in her parking spot. I didn't realize that there was assigned parking... as there is NO SIGN in front of the spots. And, I always leave the first spot for the owner of the practice... the "boss." Unfortunately, as the office manager is the bosses wife, she thinks that she is the boss. I have never heard of such a thing... and it is a problem. There is a definite conflict of interest. I really have no interest in being part of a group that cares more about the money and appearances than about the patients and giving them the time they deserve. They squeeze in a ton of patients into small slots of time and then wonder why patients complain about waiting so long to see the doctor... DUH, I can tell you... b/c I can't possibly see 8 patients in ONE hour! I just want to do my job... take care of patients, educate them and treat them appropriately. But, I need a little time to do so effectively and appropriately. I know for a fact from my previous employer that seeing approximately 5-6 patients per day pays my salary... the overhead is generally paid by an additional 5-10 patients per day and the majority of rest is profit. It is so frustrating that all anyone cares about anymore is money.

Whatever... I will do what I have to do to take care of Katelyn. I will keep looking for the perfect fit and eventually I will find it. In the meantime, I will try to suck it up... deep breaths. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore! That is the plan.


However, I am still thankful for many things:
- a very understanding boyfriend who listened to me complain for over an hour yesterday
- Panda Express
-McDonald's Coke (it is so addicting)
- good movies
- old friends
- the fact that I have an education and can always find a new job

Good night and thanks for listening!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What a wonderful day it has been. I hope that everyone had a relaxing a day as we did. Katelyn and I got up (relatively) early and started the day with breakfast and then a bath. We painted our nails and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Justin came up with me to my mom's house and we enjoyed a lazy day just playing with Katelyn. My brother and his family came over around 4 and we had dinner and chatted awhile. We had to leave before bedtime so as to get back home for work tomorrow... so Katelyn is staying with Nana and I will go back on Saturday.

So, today I am thankful for:

Family

Friendship

Love

Good food

Shelter

Painted finger nails

And so much more!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Exhaustion...

All these nights of staying up way to late talking (on the phone, in person...) are catching up with me. Tonight, I can barely keep my eyes open. I plan to go to bed as soon as I am done posting for the day. But, I wanted to share my "thankful list" for today:

- A nice dinner with a friend
- A half day at work tomorrow
- Bringing someone home for the holiday
- Christmas music (I have been listening to it for two days and can't stop smiling)
- My comfy bed ... sorry, I said I was exhausted.

Sweet dreams!

Crazy Mondays

I am sure that everyone believes that Mondays are crazy and it is not a lot of fun going back to work... but for a pediatrician, they are just INSANE! I was crazy busy all day -- I had most of my appointment times double booked. And, believe me, while I am sure that patients complain about only getting to see the doctor for a few minutes, I equally hate having about 7 minutes to see each patient :( I inevitably end up taking more time -- I simply cannot do anything half a**... so, at the end of the day I have a HUGE pile of charts which are only partly filled in. Did I mention that Mondays are crazy :)

The only thing that makes Mondays better is that it is "date night." And tonight it is even better because he was out of town yesterday and I didn't get to talk to him last night... okay, so that sounded a little pathetic... but sadly, it is true. My night is not complete w/o talking to him. And, that is so NOT me... but I guess it is now.

So, tonight I am thankful for:

Date night
French Vanilla Cafe
A happy girl meeting me when I get home from work
A four day work week this week
Yummy Chinese food for lunch
My patients... yes, I really do love all those little cuties (even if some of the parents are a little nuts:)
Fortune cookies -- they always make me smile

Giving Thanks

I want to join my good friend Angi in giving thanks this week in honor of Thanksgiving! So, this year I am thankful for so many things: (1) The house in Florida sold :)
(2) I found a new job with less call
(3) I got to see the leaves change ( I LOVE Fall)
(4) I am living closer to family and friends!
(5) I have met someone very special and am falling
(6) Katelyn has been very healthy since the surgery
(7) I have a financial plan to get out of debt!

And so many more... which I will list all week.

I had a wonderful weekend. I am so happy and while the past me would be FREAKING OUT about what is happening to me (falling for someone... really falling), I am not. For those who really know me, they would likely be a little shocked. I am trying not to get too far ahead of myself, but I am content for the first time in a long time, and that is a great feeling. I feel like I am "awake" if that makes sense. I had lost such a large part of myself in residency and my failed marriage... but I am rediscovering the positive parts of me, and instead of feeling insecure and unhappy, I am happy with myself. And for that I will be eternally grateful!

Welcome to Winter!

So, this moving from Florida to Ohio just before winter hit was probably not well thought out :) Seriously, though, 26 degrees is a bit ridiculous. Thank goodness for butt warmers in the car and a very quick to warm up heater!

Today was a bit of a stressful day given that the PRN has followed me to Ohio -- what a nightmare. They are on me about finding a doctor and sent me a packet that had to be returned within 10 days, only I received it essentially the day before it was due :( I tried like mad to find a doctor today, but apparently the "intake people" only work until 4 o'clock, so everywhere I tried they were gone and will be calling me back... only I will be working. Ugh! Even doctors can't get a doctor's appointment. It is craziness. Hopefully I don't get reported back to the Florida board. Ironically, I do not want to maintain my Florida license, but I did not want to relinquish it in case I want to apply for another state license in the future and then would have to explain why I relinquished it. I feel like a criminal on parole :(

The rest of my life is coming together. I am starting to get the hang of things at work, although I am still a bit slow... what can I say, I like to be sure that the patient (and parents) are well informed and feel like they had a good visit at the doctor rather thank leave with a ton of unanswered questions or misinformation. We are settling into our apartment... although, K said today that she wanted to find a new house because she doesn't like this one (yeah, adjusting to a small apartment is not fun for a 2 year old either). And, things are going well with my "mystery man" :) I tried to take things as slow as possible, but our relationship is just so comfortable. I used to believe that everyone had just one soul mate... but I really believe now that each person has a few, and I think I may have found mine. I know it hasn't been long, but I have only felt this way about one other person (and truth be told it was not my ex-husband). I am living in the moment and trying not to hold back too much or get caught up in worrying about the future. It is nice.

The holidays are rushing at us as well, it seems... can you believe that Thanksgiving is next week already? And I love this time of year -- I am a Christmas freak and it is the only time I go all out decorating. I just have to clear out a little more space in the apartment and I can put up the tree with Katelyn and all of my houses. When I was at my mom's house a few weeks ago, I got an early Christmas present surprise... from myself. Last year I ordered a Christmas house online (one of the "real" ones from Department 56) and I had forgotten all about it. It was a fun surprise! Remember last year (see old post) when Katelyn couldn't resist the village? I can't believe how much she has grown. The other day she got up, took of her PJ's, put them away in the pajama drawer, put on a pull up (couldn't reach the pantie drawer) and clothes (all on correctly and matching) including socks... my little girl is growing up :(

Can't wait to start seeing everyone's holiday pics!

Sweet November

I am afraid to admit that I may really be falling for this guy... We have know each other for weeks, yet I feel that I have known him for longer. It is nice to take things slow. We have talked for hours on the phone like two teenagers. We have been out several times, but we have not yet kissed. I want it to be right. And, I want to be sure that things do not get accelerated due to a physical attraction. We are building a foundation in friendship. It is fun and exciting, but also a little scary. It is a sweet November so far...

Tonight I watched Katelyn's birth and hospital video with Katelyn. It makes me fall in love with her all over again. And she likes seeing herself as a little baby. It is cute, though, because when I say she is a big girl, she says, "no, I am a baby. I am LITTLE!" Sweet girl. And, she is so cute b/c tonight when I asked if she would like to go to the museum and meet some boys (children of a friend of mine), she said, "no, mommy... I don't like boys. I just like girls." Then she paused for a moment and said, "I like one boy." I asked her, "who is the boy you like?" to which she replied, "Daddy!" I am glad that he is the only boy she likes... for now.

I wish everyone a sweet November full of thanks!

Dating Again

Now that I am settling in (not totally settled... still need a garage to put the rest of my things in storage that I have no room for) to life in the Midwest and taken my boards, AND since my mom is nearby to help babysit, I have been free to date. I took the better part of the past two years healing from the aftermath of divorce. So I am ready.

I met someone last week and we have gone out to dinner twice. He is (so far) a good guy. For many reasons, I have chosen to take things very slow. The most successful relationships are built on a friendship, right? He is a bit older than myself, but has children who are relatively young and is open to adding to his family. He does not drink, but respects that on that rare occasion I do. I am excited to see where things go. Wish me luck!