My list

So, I have a few things to accomplish while taking time off to enjoy with Katelyn. And today I did two of them. I refinanced my car since the lease is up in October and I decided to buy it. And, I called about getting cobra insurance to cover me while I am waiting for my license to go through. I didn't realized just how fortunate I was to have insurance fully covered for me and my family during residency. For example, my entire pregnancy and delivery cost a grand total of about $150... that was for some labs that were not otherwise necessary. Today, reality set in when I learned that "family coverage" for just myself and my daughter was over $1000/month... it would have been the same if I had a whole bunch of kids. Who can afford that? Hopefully my ex's insurance will cover Katelyn in an emergency and I can get coverage for just me for the month and then I can add her when I start my new job.

Next I have to check out of residency. My official last day is tomorrow. It is weird to be done after so many years. Of course I will never be done with the studying -- things change to frequently in medicine not to stay up to date. And, I have to buy a plane ticket for Katelyn and I to fly to Ohio to stay with my mom during her surgery. She is having a total knee replacement on September 21. Prayers are welcome and appreciated. I am a little anxious about anyone I am close to going through surgery, especially my mom...

And the rest of my list is full of things that I can't wait to do with Katelyn. I am just hoping that the heat wave ends in the near future so that we can enjoy places like the beach and the zoo without fear of heat exhaustion. I want to take her to the hands on museum and Disney World and O2B Kids. Of course I love spending the quiet times with her as well, reading, playing baby dolls, coloring, singing, dancing and snuggling. I, too, have been guilty in the recent past of living my life like there is always tomorrow. Well, in Hannah's memory I am going to try harder to not wait until tomorrow and start living today in the moment. Yeah, as the song says, "start living, that's the next thing on my list." I'm off to curl up with a good book and a glass of wine.

It's time to start loving Sundays

For too long now I have dreaded Sunday. The entire day was ruined for the simple fact that it was the day before Monday... which meant that another week of school, work, you name it. Even when I started working these crazy hours which included weekends and occasionally had days off during the week, I still dreaded Sunday. Strange that this is supposed to be the day of the week where you take the day off to reflect, go to church, spend time with family. My first mistake was getting out of the habit of going to church. Church used to be the place where I felt most at peace. In fact, it was the only place where I felt safe as a child. I didn't miss a Sunday through most of my first 18 years. Then when I went away to college I started going more on occasion. In medical school I made an attempt at going more regularly, but it was short lived. Then I got married, moved to a new state and started residency. I had my daughter and got her baptized. And still I didn't have a church. My husband was an "esperitismo" while I was Lutheran. It was difficult to find a place we could both go. Even after we divorced and my mom went to church every week I didn't go. As cheesy as it sounds I have heard God calling me back. Well, I realize that in order to start loving Sundays, I have to go back to my roots. That means I need to find a church for me and for Katelyn. A new start... that is what it is all about.

Inspired

I have been inspired to start my own blog. It started with my friend Angi and I have been reading her blog daily for almost 2 years now -- it is great to be able to catch up and watch her kiddos grow despite living so far away. Then I have become an addict of sorts clicking from one blog to another and getting to know some of these people like I met them at the gym or something. And I have been too shy to leave a comment, although I have really wanted to. Most recently I have been following the life of Rach D, Brien and Lily since her beautiful little Hannah's accident -- they live in Williamsburg, which is close to my heart since my sister and her family live there. And little Lily is just a few months older than my little Katelyn. So many nights I have wanted to send my thoughts and prayers, but no words seemed to capture my true feelings. Then, of course, tonight I was inspired by this:


Just look at that face. True creativity at work. So, I decided there is no time like the present. And now I won't feel like a snoop since I am opening my life to be read by others.

Today was my first day as a SAHM. At least for the next month or two while I am waiting for my medical license to be approved. Who knew that it would be this hard, particularly after surviving pre-med, the MCAT, medical school, USMLE step 1, 2 and 3 and residency. At least I have a job once I have the license. And I can't say that I am not a little excited about the prospect of spending so much alone time with my daughter. Particularly since "Nana" (my mom, who has been with us for the bigger part of the last 15 months as our nanny) is moving back to Michigan. I am also a little nervous. I hope I am able to balance motherhood, work and a small personal life (finding new friends and maybe even dating). For the years I was married the thing that I sacrificed was myself, and in the end I lost everything. I know now that a happy momma makes a happy baby and I try not to feel guilty about taking time for me. But that was when I could leave her with her Nana. Now I have to find a baby-sitter. It sounds easy enough. But someone with whom I can entrust the love of my life... now that is the challenge.

I hope that I don't bore anyone with my idol chatter. While I enjoy writing, I do not pretend to be a writer. And my creativity has been dampened by all those years of having to come up with the "correct answer." So, bear with me as I rediscover my creative side and am slowly reintroduced to my former self.